The Good Life

I recently read the book The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Study on Happiness by Robert Waldinger, MD and Marc Schulz, PhD. The authors are the current lead researchers on an ongoing, multi-generational longitudinal study through the Harvard Study of Adult Development. The study has followed multiple generations and asked them about their lives through interviews, surveys, and even their medical data to find out what makes a good life. The book is definitely worth a read, but I wanted to share with you that from the beginning of this book, the authors state that what they have found most conclusively is that the qualities of relationships in people’s lives are what makes a good life. From partners, family, friends, co-workers, and our little interactions with strangers throughout the day - it matters.

In a time where many people feel lonely and disconnected (see Harvard 2020 report), it can be disheartening to hear that our relationships have such an impact on our wellbeing. Based on this, I wanted to offer a tool for evaluating the relationships adapted from The Good Life (Waldinger and Shulz, p. 160-165).

Step 1. Identify the 10 most important relationships in your life - not the ones you’re most satisfied with, but the most important people and/or the people with whom you have the most contact with

Step 2. For each person, notice how often are you in contact with them and how do you leave most of your interactions with them - satisfied or disatisfied?

Step 3. What do you need to change? Are there people missing from this list who you want to make more of an effort to include in your life? How can you interact with them more? Are there people on the list where you feel like you leave more interactions dissatisfied than you do satisfied? What can you do to change this - maybe a conversation, a boundary, or changing the way/frequency of interaction?

Of course, you maybe don’t need to change any of your relationships, this is just one tool you can use to check in. And if this feels too challenging to do alone, it may be best to try this activity with someone supportive, like a trusted friend or a therapist. The goal is to have a better sense of what you can do to increase the quality of your relationships, not to get stuck on what is missing, so I definitely recommend stopping, if this becomes at all overwhelming!

As always, take what is helpful and leave the rest. I hope you have the week you need.

Waldinger, R., & Schulz, M. (2023). The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. Simon Schuster.