Self-Compassion Break

A lot of us struggle with a loud inner critic. One that beats us up and tells us that other people have it worse, so we shouldn’t feel our feelings. It can be really hard to overcome that voice sometimes. And sometimes we even think that it is that voice that gets us to do what we’re supposed to do. Researcher, Dr. Kristin Neff, has done plenty of studies that prove otherwise. In her book, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, Neff writes, “In one study… We found that self-compassionate people were just as likely to have high standards for themselves as those who lacked self-compassion, but they were much less likely to be hard on themselves on the occasions when they didn’t meet those standards” (p. 168). Meaning that offering yourself compassion works to both encourage you to succeed and help you when you fail.

So, how do we go about cultivating self-compassion? Neff defines self-compassion through 3 tenets: mindfulness, self-kindness, and common humanity. Mindfulness, in this context, means having the awareness that you are experiencing pain or hardship. Self-kindness meaning treating yourself with kindness. And common humanity, meaning the ability to notice that you are not alone in experiencing the challenges in your life. These 3 components work together to help you accept your experience and not feel so isolated in it.

Neff has a meditation based on these components to practice during challenging times, or as a way to cultivate your self-compassion. You can access a script for her this practice here or a guided meditation for this practice here.

As always, take what is helpful and leave the rest. I hope you have the week you need.

Neff, K. (2013). Self compassion: the proven power of being kind to yourself. Hodder & Stoughton.