Mindful Communication

How often do you find yourself talking as a reaction or half listening and waiting for your turn to talk next? How often do you even think about the previous question? It’s so common to not be fully engaged in conversations, for so many reasons, including that we are expected to communicate so much due to work and social demands! But what would it be like to do something different?

I am currently reading “Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication” by Oren Jay Sofer. In this book, Sofer describes how to engage with mindfulness, Nonviolent Communication, and Somatic Experiencing to enhance your awareness and relational experience in connection with others. I wanted to share with you an exercise Sofer offers titled Choice Point:

“To practice, choose someone with whom you feel relatively comfortable. This familiarity makes it easier to learn the tool. During the conversation, notice when you choose to speak. If you find yourself talking without having consciously chosen to do so, try stopping and leaving space for the other person to continue. Notice what it’s like to actively choose to say something rather than doing so automatically. Pay particular attention to any urgency or reluctance to speak or any sensations of internal pressure. Use that pressure as a signal to make a more conscious choice.” (Sofer, p. 44).

By engaging in this practice, we can get a lot of information regarding why we are choosing to talk or holding back. This can encourage us to take the time to be more intentional when we communicate. It can also be super uncomfortable! You don’t need to be intentional in EVERY conversation you have, but it may be helpful when you want authentic connection.

As always, take what is helpful and leave the rest. I hope you have the week you need.

Sofer, O. J. (2018). Say what you mean a mindful approach to nonviolent communication. Shambhala Publications, Inc.